Less and less motivated.

One essay and one painting to go, but I can only feel a terrible, hollow anxiety.

I have kept telling myself: I came to this school to learn.
When I discovered something new, I should be glad.
If I missed, I lost nothing.

Apparently, lying to myself doesn't work that way. I don't know I'm being rude or just stupid to yearn for something that I barely understand.

I've read a Japanese author described a sky so blue to tear a heart. I have never seen one, but now I believe that is a metaphor of something more unexpectedly understandable.



I'll try to smile and laugh with everyone tomorrow, like I always did.